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I knew a person. An alarm didn’t have to wake him up. His mom used to.
This person, he never had to do something to be everyone’s favorite.
He never had anything to fear about.
He used to run on the streets along with his brother - just to have a “Hehe I’m speed” kind of a conversation with a bursting laugh on his face.
He used to save every rupee he hid from his mum’s “go get this from the store” - just to buy his favorite chocolate that his mom would never buy him, because he easily catches cough.
This person never had to work hard to buy something he loved. Whatever his wish was, it was just one “pointing with a finger” and “Nannaaa…..” away.
He had no shame if he had to ask his parents for some money.
The first drawing he had ever made was a triangle on a rectangle vaala home with two windows and a door and 4 people holding hands together next to it. Home for him was not a huge building and fancy interior. To him, home was where his family would stay together.
He wanted to grow up fast and build that home so that his family can have a better life.
He used to eagerly wait for his birthday to buy his favorite toy.
He used to dance to his favorite song on the bed while his mother fed him his favorite lunch.
He used to share each and every story he knew with his mom. All of his experiences. Every tiny detail about his day.
There was no need for him to fear about anything. His parents used to take care of everything. Until, one day, he was woken up with the words “Running late to the school”
Ever since then, something has changed, he never understood what it was.
He had assignment submissions and grades to fear about.
He had to score good marks to be his own parents favorite.
He felt the urge to win the race - because somehow he felt love was only for the people who win.
And with his brother - the conversations went from “this chocolate is mine” to “What is your homework today ?” real quick.
Now anything he wished went a bit more far, till “You get it if you get the 1st rank in your class”.
Grades became an entry ticket to let him be himself at his home.
if he hated school, or had some important exam which he was not ready for, he was just one “stomach pain” lie away from escaping.
He tried talking to his mom, about his day, about him winning the running race competition at school, about not being able to score good marks in the science exam.
But his mom didnt sound to be listening to him, she seemed like she was trying to make his son “better at science”. His win in the running competition did not get his parents praise as he expected.
He wanted to grow up fast because then he need not have to go to school.
That is it. Nothing else changed.
Everything looked fine as long as he was the “bright student” of the class, until one day, he dropped to the 2nd rank.
He started listening the name of Buzz Aldrin more often, with a suffix - “No one remembers the person who landed second on the moon”
Everything seemed strange. He was asked to sit in the second bench. He understood why.
In the next exam - he got back his 1st place in his class.
All his privileges were back.
But this time there was a condition added when he wanted to buy his favorite toy. It had to be his birthday, he also had to the top the class.
His definition of home changed from “People holding hands together” changed to “A place where your family lives”. And his definition of family became “People who support you if you are the winner of all kinds of races”
He stopped doing random things. Because he was afraid of losing, even when there was no opponent.
Now his mom is not even ready to listen to him talk about his day because, that time, in her mind can get him back his good grades.
He still wanted to grow up fast, because he wanted to prove grades are not what defines a man’s success.
That is it. Nothing else changed.
With the help of his few “Best Friends Forever”, he went through some ups and a lots of downs and finally completed his schooling. But by that time, he understood that value is only for winners.
But he still had faith in his family. That they would accept him for who he is. Then he was asked to prepare for an exam which gets him to join a top tier college for his higher studies.
He had no questions for his parents, and also no answers for his questions that never made it out of his heart. The answer for all his questions became “Others are doing it, I should also be doing it”
He failed - Now he wouldn’t get his favorite cycle even if its his birthday. Because essentially birthdays are only for people who make their parents feel proud.
Now he wanted to escape from his home instead of school because he was not able to differentiate.
He never thought of growing up again. He started generalizing his state of mind with the people of his age.
That is it. Nothing else changed.
With his maturity at that age - he understood that no one is going to support him - he felt lonely, because no one was there to support him for who he really is. He finished his graduation all alone. Started working as an employee in a top tier company. He thought everything will be back to normal now. But poor guy was wrong.
His “grades” transitioned into “deliverables”.
His “nothing to fear about” turned into his monthly expenses.
Whatever he wanted to buy for himself or his family not because they stood by him - just because they all have the same initial went a bit more far at “maybe next month after I get my salary”
His interests were forgotten. His job role became his identity. His hobbies became planned events.
But one day, he was too tired of his life. He felt like he needed a break. He had no one to talk to, about his struggle, about his lack of sleep, about his stress at work, about his interests. Because he had no one to talk to, he went to a park.
He saw a bunch of kids playing. One sitting on the swing. Another standing behind to push him to the fullest. They both laughed when the kid on the swing went too high. What is there for the kind who’s pushing to laugh ?
He saw them for a while. His question changed into “Why do they have something to laugh ?”. More kids, running randomly, falling to their knees and crying to get a random toy they saw for the first time, just 3 seconds ago.
He smiled.
But he looked at his parents. His smile faded away. They all looked like people who ruin the innocence in the children with all unnecessary comparisons. He was afraid that all the brains behind the innocent laughing faces, are going to become like his, one or the other day.
He walked away.
All of us were the kids.
Each of us is the “person”
How foolish were we to wish to grow up fast.
I wish I was a kid again.
I want to dance and make my mom laugh. I dont have to be a good dancer to do that. I just want her not to judge.
I want to ask my dad to buy me random things. I dont have to be the topper of the class for that. I just have to fake a cry.
I want to skip office like I skipped school. I need not have to ask for permission for that, I can just decide to go to the kitchen and look at my mom with my hands on my stomach.
I want to laugh for all the little things that happen in life. I need not have to think about the people around. Because if all of us were the kids, who would judge ?
I wish I was who I am “once upon a time”.
28 July 2025, Once the favorite kid of my family, Venu Pulagam.